Navigating Grief And Infant Loss

Finding Hope

As we share our Parenting Tips blog series with you, we realize there’s an important topic we must also address—the loss of a child. For those who have experienced this profound loss, the back-to-school season can be especially difficult. During prayer meeting today at UCB Radio, our hearts went out to someone who asked for healing and prayers for his family.

Just two weeks ago, during a routine prenatal appointment, an ultrasound revealed that their baby’s heart had stopped. For many of us, this kind of loss is unimaginable. For some, however, it is painfully real. It brings a grief that is hard to put into words and even harder to navigate. This blog hopes to offer a small measure of comfort and share stories from those who have walked this painful path. It is a space to share, reflect, and perhaps find a little light in the darkness.

 

Brandon Lake Miracle Child

Popular Christian music artist Brandon Lake touches on this topic in his song “Miracle Child” (see the official YouTube Music Video below). His mother experienced recurring pregnancy loss before giving birth to Brandon. Through her strength, Faith and resiliency, Brandon was born in God’s grace.

His lyrics say:

“I shouldn’t be alive
My future was six feet under
One foot in the grave
No hope to be saved
I shouldn’t be alive

But I’m a miracle child
Defied every diagnosis
And as close as it came
I can stand here and say
I’m  a miracle child”

Risen Motherhood Podcast

Our friends at the Risen Motherhood Podcast on UCB’s Hope on Demand discuss this sensitive topic in their April 5, 2023 episode. In the conversation, Nancy reflects on the common patterns of grief that many mothers experience after losing a child. Nancy explains, “It’s our grief that keeps us feeling close to our child. In one sense, grief feels like agony. Yet at the same time, it can also feel like comfort. It keeps us from wanting to feel better because it helps us feel connected to our child.” However, she gently reminds listeners that the child who has died cannot receive the energy we pour into grief. Instead, that same energy may help others who are still here.

Nancy also shares an important insight for parents who have other children. In these situations, parents must make a conscious decision to show their living children that their lives still hold deep value. To move toward this, they must slowly allow grief to loosen its hold. After all, children can sense when grief overwhelms their parents. They may feel they have lost not only a sibling, but also their parents to sorrow. As a result, they may quietly wonder if their parents can ever feel joy again simply because they are still here. Understandably, these are very difficult realities for grieving mothers to face.

Nancy encourages parents with a hopeful reminder:
“A day is going to come when you are willing to allow grief to loosen its hold on you. Eventually, that day must come if you want to experience joy again and have something to give to the living.”

Throughout her journey, Nancy says that her faith in God has helped her navigate the depth of her grief. In particular, she holds onto the belief that “God is in control for my good and His glory.”

Listen to the entire Risen Motherhood podcast episode here.

here

 

Close to Home

The loss of a child is felt close to home here at UCB Radio. For Jamie, one of our Community Promotions Specialists, this loss is deeply personal. She lost her daughter Brooke, who was stillborn at 34 weeks.

At that time, Jamie was still new to faith. She was learning about God and beginning to build a relationship with Him. Because of this, she struggled to understand why God—who is supposed to love her—would allow her daughter to be taken from her. She blamed herself and wondered why she had to face such an overwhelming loss.

Jamie shares honestly, saying, “I have been broken and crushed in spirit.”

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” ~ Psalm 34:18

“We have to get sick. We have to lose a job. We go through divorce. We have to suffer with the disease of addiction. We have to bury our spouse, parents, best friend, or our child because in those moments of desperation, God is breaking us. When the breaking is done, then we will be able to see the reason for which we were created…When God uses grace to break you, it means He is about to add favour in your life.”

While sharing her story with others who have experienced a similar loss, the response and support have been unbelievable. In many cases, she could see the impact her story had on them. It was “like a boulder had been lifted off their shoulders.” They felt safe to share and finally realized they were not alone.

“Now, I feel blessed to have been chosen by God to be gracefully broken.”

 

How To Ease The Pain of Grief

Losing a loved one is one of the most distressing and, unfortunately, common experiences people face. According to the Mayo Clinic, “most people experiencing normal grief and bereavement have a period of sorrow, numbness, and even guilt and anger. Gradually these feelings ease, and it’s possible to accept loss and move forward.

We all have different ways of dealing through the grieving experience. There are four stages of grief. If you’re unable to move through these stages then you may have complicated grief and may need to seek treatment to help you come to terms with your loss and reclaim a sense of acceptance and peace.

The four stages of grief are:

1. Accepting the reality of your loss
2. Allowing yourself to experience the pain of your loss
3. Adjusting to a new reality in which the deceased is no longer present
4. Having other relationships

The Mayo Clinic specifically lists three ways that may help with the grief that comes with the loss of a loved one.

Talking. Talking about your grief and allowing yourself to cry also can help prevent you from getting stuck in your sadness. As painful as it is, trust that in most cases, your pain will start to lift if you allow yourself to feel it.

Support. Family members, friends, social support groups and your faith community are all good options to help you work through your grief. You may be able to find a support group focused on a particular type of loss, such as the death of a spouse or a child. Ask your doctor to recommend local resources.

Bereavement Counseling. Through early counseling after a loss, you can explore emotions surrounding your loss and learn healthy coping skills. This may help prevent negative thoughts and beliefs from gaining such a strong hold that they’re difficult to overcome.

Conclusion

As we navigate the back-to-school season, it’s important to remember that each family’s journey is unique. The emotions experienced during this time can vary greatly. For those who have experienced loss, acknowledging these feelings and seeking support can be an important step toward healing.

Leaning on friends, family, and your faith can strengthen your love for the life that was lost, the lives of those around you, and your relationship with God. Even though the path may feel long, every step forward—no matter how small—reflects the strength of your love and resilience. In time, your child’s memory may also bring comfort and a sense of connection that helps you continue moving forward.

Inspired Sources: UCB Radio’s Risen Motherhood Podcast, Mayo Clinic

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