Rebuilding your marriage (4)

You must be open with one another. You must be transparent, sensitive, responsive, and willing to trust one another. Stop and think about how you feel when the doctor is about to give you a shot. Your first reaction is to tighten up, right? Similarly, our hearts naturally tighten up after the pain of rejection or betrayal or neglect. It’s a reflex mechanism in the soul; a way we protect ourselves subconsciously. And it’s a great attribute anywhere else, except in marriage. If you don’t turn off this mechanism, you will close your soul. This is the state where you love the person and you still come home to them every night, but you are braced, apprehensive, and no longer present in the moment. You have closed yourself off for fear of disappointment and hurt. Marriage is an open covenant consummated by physical intimacy, which removes all barriers and celebrates the joy of having nothing between the two of you. And it’s difficult to attain and maintain such intimacy both emotionally and physically if you have experienced betrayal and disappointment. But there is good news. The central theme of the Bible is resurrection; that which is dead can live again. So if you have lost the closeness, you can get it back if you are willing to relax your soul and open your heart toward the other person. Solomon writes, “Love flashes like fire, the brightest kind of flame. Many waters cannot quench love, nor can rivers drown it” (vv. 6-7 NLT). If you seek God’s help and you are willing to work at it, you can rekindle your love and rebuild your marriage.