What to Do When Your Love Grows Cold

Monday February 13, 2023
Julia Van Huizen
2 min read

When I met my husband, I fell madly in love. Like, over-the-moon, lose-track-of-time, I-don’t-care-what-day-it-is type of love.

It was new for me. As someone who always followed the rules, who never missed a class, who went to bed at a decent time, I suddenly felt “beside myself” with love for this man.

I missed classes. I stayed up till the wee hours of the night. I went on spontaneous adventures with him. I thought of him during the day. I dreamed of him during the night.

It was exciting. It was euphoric.

And it didn’t last forever.

I know. Like, why not, right? Why can’t “first love” feelings last forever?

Probably because feelings are… well, feelings. And feelings go up. And feelings go down. And feelings of “love” can really take a hit through the throws of life—when responsibility and the grind and the hard knocks hit. And “first love” can become "stressed love.” And “stressed love” can sometimes become “cool love.”

But is it the end, when feelings wane?

I don’t think so. It could be that your relationship just needs a jump-start. A little defibrillation of the heart.

1. Maybe YOUR heart needs attending to. Perhaps you are not nourishing all the areas of your life. You’re too “mom” and not enough “me.”

2. OR maybe your relationship needs attending to. You’re not nourishing your date life. You’re too much “me” and not enough “we.”

If you’ve lost you’re “first love,” you don’t need to freak out. Feelings are not gods. They are not the “be all and end all.” They are by-products. Of attention. Of consideration. As the saying goes, where attention goes, energy flows. And when too much or too little attention are focused on things that do not bring life, first love can fizzle.

Is it so simple? Yes, and no. Sometimes our marriages simply need a tune-up. But others need open-heart surgery. And some need a professional. Or a break. The key is to ask your Heavenly Father, “Lord, what is the next step?” And take the needed steps to move forward, back toward your First Love.

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Here at UCB Canada, our heart is for God to work in your relationships, no matter where you are in life, so here's a few resources to help:


Focus on Marriage Podcast


Canadian Mental Health Association

Please note if you are in a dangerous situation in your marriage, check out:

Women's Shelter Canada

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